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It was several seconds before I realised what she had asked. I saw her face was set with an expression of expectation. “I, err, what, how….” I was unable to make a coherent sentence.“Listen Barry, I expect this has come as a shock, if you want time to think about it, then I’ll understand, if you’d rather not, then please tell me now.” “NO.” I exclaimed.Dorrie appeared deflated. “Okay, I’ll not mention it again.”“No, what I meant was that I don’t need to think about it Dorrie, I want to.”For the first time since Jimmy had died, I saw a look of true happiness on her face.“Do you want to now?” I asked with anticipation.“Not yet Barry, I need to prepare myself, I need to wash myself,” she pointed to her lap. “Plus you need to make sure you’re clean down there. You’ll find that women don’t like a smelly tadger.” I started to choke up as I remembered the first time when Uncle Jimmy had demonstrated masturbation.Dorrie went first in the kitchen, then me, she told me to remove everything and. I was the heroine who overcame adversity and ended up with fame, fortune, and the guy. Over the years I sought counseling for my low self-esteem. Despite what some people might say, it helped me a lot. I just needed someone to listen to me, someone I could use as a sounding board to try and figure things out. With that help, I was resolute to transform myself into the person I wanted to be. What I found lacking in myself, personality wise, I changed. Slowly, that person I could not stand to look at in the mirror became a person I admired and adored. I feared that one man had undone all that work. My mind desperately tried to reason with me, tried to make everything better. It chided me on my depression. Things like, ‘You knew he would not give up his debauching ways for one woman,’ and ‘You only knew him for only two weeks’ tumbled through my brain. I could not seem to lift myself from the oubliette where I had fallen. My heart trapped me in a media fantasy world where all the.
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